I think that white people who want us to pander to them really do not want to help. It is really disgusting. We need to keep writing about the racism in our society. Intersectional feminism only works when they are willing to accept the experiences of Black women as valid. It only works when they are willing to work against white supremacist ideology.
When the oppressor says, "Hey, you are not saying this nicely enough," they are really saying "I don't want to hear it". I think you are doing amazing work by educating white women about their privelege. If the woman who wrote that response really did not need to be told how to treat Black people, she would not be the type who would make such a tone-deaf comment.
I love your writing. Your tone is perfect and it does not disrespect anyone. Keep up the amazing work.