You are so right. Too often, Black men are viewed as unredeemable. None of us are perfect and it is very important for kids to have a strong Black man in their lives. My parents divorced but my mom did allow him to see us. She did talk bad about him at first but as time went on she acknowledged that he was a good dad but not a good husband. She told me that her father was good to her even though he has a stained relationship with my grandmother.
I also never bought into the “I don’t need a man hype”. Despite meeting men that did not always live up to my expectations, I never gave up and universally showed disdain.
Now I’m married to a strong Black man who works hard. His bm does not let him see his kids though. He doesn’t complain but I know it really hurts him and the kids. When we have kids one day I’m not going to do that because fathers deserve an opportunity to be in their kids lives. Thanks for writing this. I can relate.