You described it very well. It is not an indictment of men, rather it is an assessment of toxic, masculine behaviors.
You are aslo right that we cannot control a word, because words mean different things to different people. We know the origin of the word Karen -- it was used to describe women like the one who lied on Emmet Till, or the other woman who called the police on the bird watcher with glee.
Petty people have used it to describe annoying women, rather than what the term was designed to describe -- dangerous white women. For Black people, it seems like it means something completely different than in white communities.
I've seen many people use the term to describe anti-maskers. However, that is a result of white allyship. It was used by liberals that would not frankly usually be hip to our lingo.
Unless a white woman is abusing white privilege, then this is a horrible misuse of the term to call her that.
I feel that these terms are not absolutely necessary to use. However, they are short-cuts. Language is always going to evolve and as it does, words mean different things to different people. Remember when Beyonce said, "Becky with the good hair," -- Black women knew what type of woman she was speaking about. So, these terms will continue to be used. We have to continue to clarify and fight for meaning in this crazy world.
While you are right that toxic masculinity is usually descriptive of heterosexual men, I feel that making the term more inclusive actually distracts from its original intent. Men wanted to deal with their demons and I think that abusive, sexist, aggressive behaviors are what I attribute to toxic masculinity. However, someone else may come up with an entirely different meaning lol.
Thanks for writing this. You rock!